Domestic violence... Let's not blanket this one.

What does domestic violence mean?

It is where someone is either mentally, emotionally or physcially abusive to the other party, be it partner, family or friend.

Every person I know has either lived it, witnessed it or heard about it. But why is nothing done about it? Why do we allow it to happen to us or another?

Well I think I will talk from my perspective and my lived experiences rather talk from a 3rd party. As I've said before in other blogs I am open to communicating about these type of issues as I hope it can bring awareness to us all and possibly even yourself. I also think it is easier to write as it is my view and not anyone else's.  So if I step on toes, well don't read it!

I've lived with and in a domestic violent relationship. I would say that all 4 of my relationships have come under domestic violence on both their faults and my own. I have also lived with domestic violence in my own family unit and my friends "circles".

I have physcially been beaten, had bones in my face shattered from being hit. I have been stabbed, i have been bitten. I had petrol poured on me and attempted to be set alight.
I have been verbally abused, called every name under the sun, I have been intimidated. I have been manipulated, I have been fed drugs and alcohol for their purposes. I have been sexually abused, I have been pushed and shoved. I have had all my precious belongings smashed in to pieces. I have been threatened and lied too. I have also been financially hurt, bullied and cheated on. I have been forced in to situations that I never asked for and I have been shipped off when it's "too hard basket".

I would say I very comfortably fit under every banner that represents domestic violence victim.

But this is not all one sided. I myself have physically hurt and intimidated,  I have manipulated, I have called names and I have threatened. I used to smash coffee cups, I used to block off my partners car so they couldn't go to work. I have been everything that I hate. Everything that I despise I have been.

I would say that I too sit under the banner that represents domestic violence perpetrator.

I have seen my friends been hurt emotionally and mentally to breaking point. I have seen others hurt financially, bullied, intimidated, manipulated and physically hurt. I and others have been guilted in to things we either don't want to do or have to do or can't do.

So why have I allowed this and why have I done these things? What have I done to make sure I will never allow or repeat these cycles again? Very big questions!!

Do you know what I am about to say will probably sound like the biggest load of cock but do you know what? I have actually come to peace with it all. I have forgiven those who have done poorly to me. I am one of the very few people out there that has actually gotten an apology from almost all the people that have done wrong to me. Not all but some have. That in itself has helped ten fold in my recovery. I have accepted what was but I will not accept again.

But do you know what the biggest, hardest part is? To forgive myself! I find it so hard to forgive myself. I go over all the "what ifs" "I wish" could have done or happened. I still struggle to accept my own apology.

How do I know I will not repeat any of this again? Because I communicate with myself. I don't sit in denial, I don't hide anymore. At times I do but I don't hide very well from myself anymore.

I have also taken this to communicating with others. I will tell you if I am annoyed or whatever feeling I am experiencing. Ofcourse it may hurt or confuse or anger you but at least I have expressed myself and we can then talk about if it is valid to whatever situation it is at that particular time. This also goes for happy times. I find we do not communicate enough during positive experiences.

I now know my limits, I know where all my boundaries are. I know who I am, what I am doing at all times. 

Yes, I have a mental illness but I am very aware of it. I may at times not be able to control what is spinning in my head but I am aware of it and can pull myself out very quickly with good support.

Oh that's one thing, is support! Having a good support network around you. Having people about that you can freely talk too. Openly without judgement.

Also knowing what is not acceptable.

I think many things we do is learnt behaviour and it all starts from a very early age. I'm not saying it's your parents fault, no one person is to blame but things start then. Then as the years go by we pick up more and more as we go along from our environment whether that is family,  tv, friends, stories or schools.

I believe we need to teach more about self worth. Teach it, learn it , preach it.
Know that you are worth something, know you are valid and can be heard. Know you can listen and accept and tolerate. Self confidence is worth more than you can put down in numbers.

So look, domestic violence comes is many shapes and forms and also sizes. It does not mean that every disagreement you have with someone is domestic violence but at that point you use conflict management to resolve your issues. But don't sit silent. Don't allow yourself to be hurt unduly.

Talk, people need to learn to use their words. But others need to listen without judgement. Let's just a if someone came to you and said my partner hits me and I am scared, I love him and he says he loves me too and he cries after etc etc etc.
That person is scared and probably does want help and advice. That is where you ask the person how can you help. If does not mean you barge in, abuse the partner, call the police and bring in 20 of your mates to beat him to a pulp. We need to be fair, stern and to the point. Offer advise or seek advice if you don't know. There is many other options and ways about this and I could talk a year on this subject.

I just hope you all see where I have been and who I am now. And don't feel you need to keep living in these conditions. If you are the one doing these things, seriously please stop. Think about what you are doing to that person/s and yourself. Think about where you have come from. There is help out there and people do listen. Domestic violence is not just physical. Bruises and bones heal. Do not believe the saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me". Words hurt the most. We do not forget words.

I would also love to thank every one of my family and friends, old and new for all your amazing support, love and friendship. I have the best bunch of people about me now. I could not be happier with the "chosen ones" hahaha love much to you xoxox

That is it for tonight my friends.

So accept who you are but not less than you expect.

Love Teegs xoxo